Home > My Favorites > Day Sixteen: Genius

Day Sixteen: Genius

“Kevin? Time for dinner, sweetheart! Don’t make me call you again!”

“I’ll be up in a minute, mom!”

“This is the second time, Kevin. It’s getting cold.”

“I know, mom – I said I’ll be up in a minute!”

“What are you doing down there, anyway? You’ve been in the basement all week.”

“It’s nothing, mom!”

“Your father and I are worried about you, Kevin….Kevin? That’s it, I’m coming down there.”

“What? Mom, no, you can’t – No! No no no no – awwww, mom!”

“What on earth have you been doing down here? My God!”

“Jeez, mom, I told you not to come down here.”

“I mean, just look at this mess. Why do you have a shopping basket full of batteries? And broken remote controls? And is this -”

“Mom, could you put that down please? It’s delicate.”

“It looks like my old colander. But what are all these wires sticking out of it?”

“Mom, look, just put it down and go back upstairs. I’ll be up in a minute.”

“And what’s – what’s that smell? It smells like… Like… Kevin, have you been smoking down here?”

“Yes! Yes, mom, that’s exactly it. I’ve been smoking and I feel terrible about it and I promise that I’ll stop, so just go back upstairs and-”

“What’s in here?”

“Mom, no!!”

“Oh. Oh my God, Kevin, what have you done?”


“Don’t touch me!”

“Mom, I-”

“Oh God, is that Racer? You – you said he ran away and-”

“Yeah. That’s Racer. He – quiet, boy! Quiet!”

“Wh- where’s the rest of him?”

“Buried out back, mom. I…. Oh. Okay. You, um…. I’ll just… clean that up after. Don’t worry about it.”

“Sweet Jesus, Kevin, sweet baby Jesus….”

“Mom, I know how this looks. Look at me, Mom. I know how this – shut up, Racer! – I know how this looks. And I know it looks pretty bad. But if you look at the bright side-”

“Bright side? Bright side? You have your beagle’s headin a jar, Kevin! And it’s still alive! How – And these machines? Did they do this? Did you make these?”

“That’s what I’m talking about, mom! I made these! Out of the crap that people throw away. Out of the things in my head! Look at Racer, mom – he got hit by a car, okay? And I kept him alive! No one else could have done that!”


“Do you see this machine, mom? Hold on, let me find….”


“Okay, Look at this metronome, okay? Nice beat, four-four time, keep your eyes on it…. You watching? BAM! Huh? Isn’t that cool? Localized time distortion! I can dial that baby down to almost nothing!”

“Kevin, stop.”

“I have an antigrav plate down here somewhere, and a new plastic that can replace human skin cells. If I can find the remote, I’ll show you my army of mind-controlled cockroaches. Okay, maybe not them, but didn’t you wonder why your roses grew so big last year? Why they screamed sometimes? Or what happened to those kids who egged our house last Halloween? Not a coincidence, mom. I mean just look at all this stuff!”

“I… I’m looking, Kevin.”


“Oh, Racer…”

“Mom, forget about Racer. Racer was just a stepping-stone, a way up to something better! Mom, listen to me: in a few years, I’ll be able to figure out how to keep people alive indefinitely. And not in a jar, either. I have stuff down here that’ll change the world, mom. Don’t you see?”

“Yes, Kevin. I see.”

“Do you understand why I did all this?”

“Yes, Kevin. I understand.”

“So… we’re cool? Mom?”

“Kevin. I’m going to go upstairs now. I’m going to call a doctor or someone, because this… This isn’t normal.”

“No, mom. No, you can’t do that.”

“I have to, Kevin.”

“No, you can’t. I’m not ready – the world’s not ready! You have to just – Mom, wait!!”

“I can’t let you do this, Kevin, not under my roof!”

“Mom, no! Stop! NO!!


“Oh, mom. You shouldn’t have made me do that.


“You’ll be fine like that. You won’t have to worry about getting old, anyway. Not for, let me see…. Huh. Two point three million years. Damn. I am good.

“All right, then. Dad first. Then dinner. Then the world.”

  1. No comments yet.
  1. July 31, 2011 at 12:48 PM

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: