Home > Character Interviews, My Favorites > Day One Hundred and Fifteen: Selaphiel

Day One Hundred and Fifteen: Selaphiel

Part of writing is getting to know your characters. The way that I’ve been working so far, there’s not been a lot of time to do that. I write a story, and move on – maybe coming back another time to revisit the people I have created, but usually not. So just for fun, I’m going to do some character interviews this week and see what I can find out about the folks who emerged from between the folds in my brain. To do so, I’ve got my list of characters and the fine folks over at random.org, and together I’ll be randomly choosing my subjects. If you have a request for a character interview, let me know in the comments and I can see to it that he or she jumps to the head of the queue.

It seems the randomness is being especially random today – the subject of our interview is a fictional character within a fictional setting. It is Selaphiel, the archangel who was the end boss for a game being designed by a couple of friends in Day 63 – Creative Differences. Let’s see what it has to say for itself.

——————————–

Sorry, sorry, don’t mind the sword. Here let me… Ahh, there we go. That’s a load off the ol’ wingbox right there. MAN, but I can’t imagine why I carry something that ridiculously huge.

Are… are you Selaphiel?

You bet I am. Keeper of the Temple of the Hours, chief of the Seven Underlords. Atcher service!

I’m sorry, I just thought you’d be…

Prettier?

No.

Buffer, then? I have been working out.

No, not that. Just a little… You know what, why don’t we skip to the interview.

Okay, you’re the boss here, boss. What do you want to know?

Well, um, about you. Tell us about yourself.

Well, like I said – Keeper of the Temple of the Hours, chief of the Seven Underlords. My job is basically to keep the peace in the realm of Syurdhald by whatever means necessary.

Syurdhald?

Well, yeah. You know. The world? The place where everything happens? Y’see, I used to work directly under the Big Guy himself.  And when he was done making the place, I told him that the humans were probably going to screw everything up. You could see it in their beady little eyes, you know? They look at something and think, “How can I eat-and-or-destroy that?” But I kept my peace and decided to see what was what, until… well, you know…

Actually, no. What happened?

Seriously? I thought everyone – you guys didn’t know about this? Wow.

Okay, so we’d created the world and everything in it and blah blah blah, and God was just saying, “Okay, this is cool.” And my buddies and I all came in and said, “Actually, not cool. You have humans all over the place doing whatever the hell they want and not listening to a damn thing you say.” And so God says, “What do you think I should do about it?” and I said, “You should beat them senseless and then beat them some more until they stop building golden cows and horses and moose and shit!”

Wow.

Yeah. Well, that didn’t go over too well. Long story short, words were said, someone got slapped, someone’s mother got insulted, and next thing you know my buddies and I are tossed out into Syurdhald and he says, “You think you know how to fix it? Well go right ahead, suckers.” Next thing you know we’re all stranded dirtside with nothing but our angelic powers and a bunch of damn dirty apes. No offense.

None taken. So what did you do then?

Well, we agreed that it would be best if we spread out a bit, you know – each take a different region, run it pretty much autonomously. There were seven of us, and so that worked out fine. For a while, anyway.

What do you mean? What happened?

Well, these humans really didn’t get the hint. They didn’t know that we were there for their own benefit, to whip them into shape, y’know? It seemed like every other decade, some bulked-up barbarian would come by and try to kill us all!

…Really?

Yeah, can you believe it? Us! So at first it was easy, you know – go-go angelic powers , barbarian go SPLAT. But that got boring after a while, so we started making actual weapons – like that eight-foot wonder I’ve got leaning in the corner. I have to admit, that was a bit ridiculous. Seemed like a good idea at the time.

Anyway, around the same time, we came up with the Daggers.

Daggers?

Yeah, one of these. Take a look. Huh? Nasty-looking thing, ain’t it? Each dagger is kind of like a personal calling card, right? You can use it for just about anything, up to and including killing nosy barbarians.

And how long have you been doing that?

Gosh, lemme see… You know, I really have no idea? It seems like forever, but each time that moron stumbles into my throne room, it’s like the first time all over again. He makes a speech, I utterly unmake him, and then lunch! Good times, good times.

I see. Are you by any chance aware of a game called Lords of Syurdhald?

A game? No, but it sounds pretty good. Huh. A game – I bet me and my buddies would be great characters, too! We could fight off barbarians and crush our enemies beneath our feet and-

No, no – it’s not quite like that. Here, I have the trailer on my laptop. Here, take a look.

Okay, let’s see, where do I press – ah! There we are.

Ooh, pretty. That’s ni- Hey! That’s that barbarian! He’s- What- Wait, where is he-?

What? NO! What’re you! Hey, that’s my fri-

(pause)

Oh.

Oh, you son of a bitch! That little monkey in a loincloth, he kills me? What the hell, man?

What do you think of-

What do I think? Are you serious, they made a game about us, and we’re the bad guys?

What?

Look at that – these jackasses decided we’re the villains here! They made me look like some kind of evil end boss – I never gave them permission to use my likeness! How did they get all this about us?

But they-

I am going to sue them… SO hard! To the ends of the Earth, and if that doesn’t work, then it’s a Dagger of the Underlord right to the face!

But they didn’t steal anything!

…Huh?

They didn’t steal anything. They made you up.

(silence)

Wait.

Say that again?

They made you up. You’re the game character. The character isn’t based on you – you’re it.

No, that’s ridiculous. No, I remember the – the dawn of time, man! I was there! You’re telling me a couple of code-monkeys just invented me?

I’m afraid so.

No. No, no, no, that’s not happening. No. Gimme that laptop.

Hey!

I am going to find… out… godsdammit, make this thing show me where they are!

Who?

So you want the first dagger to the face, because I swear there’s going to be so much stabbing going on today!

Okay, let’s just calm down here. Okay? No one is stabbing anyone anywhere. Okay? So why don’t you put down that knife, and we’ll see what we – NO!

This interview is done. Me and my stupid-ass sword, we have a date. We’re gonna find whoever did this to us. We’re gonna find ’em and make them suffer more than anyone has ever suffered before. And after I’ve used their heads as bowling balls – that damned barbarian is next!

(door slams)

I… Okay. All right. Just – just stop the camera.

Advertisements
  1. No comments yet.
  1. No trackbacks yet.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: